you will do as i say, even if its impossible

Posted on December 18, 2008
Filed Under language | Leave a Comment

Management can be a difficult job.  It is lonely at the top, particularly when you’re a sociopath. Here are some quotes from a magazine, (the name of which has been lost in the mists of the digital ether, so I am unable to attribute at this stage) that ran a contest to find the management demand that was most like dialogue from a Dilbert comic.

‘What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.’
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

‘E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.’ (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

‘This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.’
(Advertising/ Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

‘No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!  We’ve been working on it for months.  Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.’  (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufactur ing/ 3M Corp.)

‘As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.’
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )


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