KOOL

Posted on July 30, 2008
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Many of you’d be well aware of a new search engine called “Cuil” pronounced “cool”. Clearly it has started poorly. One can’t even imagine the dum dum headedness that allowed them to call something – cool. First rule of cool – never refer to yourself as being cool. To try to be cool immediately brands you clearly and for all to see as someone who tries too hard. But to call yourself cool, with a quirky poorly spelled name! Notwithstanding the fact that no one is actually cool anymore. Younger people with their rudimentary language skills may be rad or sick or going off or fully mental or some other nauseating misappropriation of the language of medicine, whilst the rest of us are content to use good, bad and ordinary in the way that Mr Webster intended, but no one is “cool.” Though if you’re a cigarette you may be “Kool”.

Nomenclature aside and the creators of cuil have failed in many other ways. Principally, by creating a search engine that is many degrees poorer than the behemoth google whilst trumpeting their skills as worthy of competition with the great one. A little like David and Goliath but replacing Goliath with the Terminator and David with Bart Simpson and a surprise ending that involves a crushing defeat at the hands of an invincible robot with an Austrian accent.

But just to give you a taste of their failure, heres a front page from a search request a young innocent has made for their favorite webpage the charming LOLcats, on “cuil”. Before looking be aware that the resultant images are massively NOT SAFE FOR WORK and likely to cause offense to people unfamiliar with the great range of human sexual behaviour.

So it is with no great surprise to learn that the crazy Californian hedonists that created this search engine have spent millions of dollars on….well, themselves.

“But what amazed her most was the way Tom Costello and the Cuil kids spent their $33 million in venture capital. “Lunch is ordered in every single day,” she writes. “Huge fridges burst with snacks and drinks. Bowls of strawberries and muffins lie around the rest area.”The company pays for a personal trainer and gym membership for everyone. A doctor calls round each Friday, after the weekly barbeque, to see if everyone’s in good health. Employees drift in an out at times that suit themselves.”In attempt to earn her keep as Strategist to the CEO, she warned her college classmate that he was heading down the road to ruin. But he explained that in the Valley, that path is unavoidable.”When I observed this [strawberry and muffin] behaviour first I was appalled and took my CEO friend aside,” Carey says. “This was disastrous! His company would never succeed if he wasted money like this and didn’t crack the whip. He laughed. This is the way it works out here. You have to be nice to people.” more

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